


Dreams Become Reality

by RadderbeRad (MiaMoonWolf)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Reality, Depression, Dreams become nightmares, Happy Ending, OOC because of Alternate Reality, Plot Twists, Sad, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, You Should Have Come to Shiratorizawa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-20
Updated: 2018-03-20
Packaged: 2019-04-04 21:39:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14029302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MiaMoonWolf/pseuds/RadderbeRad
Summary: “You should’ve come to Shiratorizawa.”Oikawa doesn’t move. Ushijima waits, but everything stills. He turns around to find his team suspended behind him, as if statues. “What?” he murmurs as he turns back to a frozen Oikawa. And then he hears a cold whisper by his ear “Done.”In which Oikawa attends Shiratorizawa.Alternate Titles: What You Wish For; You Should Have Come to Shiratorizawa





	1. Be Careful What You Wish For

**Author's Note:**

> AU in which Ushijima gets his wish: Everything is supposed to be how Ushijima always dreamed, except... it isn't.  
> Based on the saying "be careful what you wish for" and the Buffy episode "Wish"  
> This is Shirabu/Ushijima endgame. Also many characters act OOC because their circumstances have changed how they relate to other people. 
> 
>  
> 
> UshiOi Theme Song

**Be Careful What You Wish for**

 

“You should’ve come to Shiratorizawa.” Oikawa doesn’t move. Ushijima waits, but everything stills. He turns around to find his team suspended behind him, as if statues. “What?” he murmurs as he turns back to a frozen Oikawa. And then he hears a cold whisper by his ear “ _Done._ ”

Ushijima wakes up to the beeping of his alarm feeling slightly disoriented as a shiver runs down his spine. What a bizarre dream. It’s the Monday after they were beat by Karasuno and he must prepare himself for morning practice. Getting up he pads to the bathroom to brush his teeth. He’s half asleep and wondering what he wants for breakfast when he notices a smattering of bug bites on his chest. He looks down suspiciously; some kind of spider perhaps, although… that one on his hip looks impossibly large unless there’s a tarantula skittering around. He spits into the sink pushing it out of his mind. When he opens his closet door he finds himself backing away, his clothes are not in the right order… and he is definitely starting to feel alarmed. But maybe he is just tired. Quickly changing he realizes that he’s taking much longer than usual and he hurries downstairs. Everything seems normal once he’s in the comfort of the kitchen, then on the train, and thankfully the first one to practice.

He opens his locker and immediately feels at ease. It’s ok, everything is as it should be. It isn’t long before he’s out setting up the nets, Semi and Yamagata arriving early as well to help.

He blocks them out and focuses on the task at hand, that is until he catches something that causes him to pay attention to them again.

“Yeah Ayaka’s really good at home ec.” Yamagata says.

“You’re lucky she even gives you the time of day,” Semi smirks.

They start roughhousing, and then Semi says, “damn why can’t Oikawa introduce me to a nice girl.”

“What-” Ushijima starts.

“Yahoo.”

Ushijima freezes.

“Hey Oikawa,” Semi says towards the door. “We were just discussing Ayaka and how very kind it would be if you shared your fan base with some of the other members of the team.”

Ushijima feels like he’s moving through water as he turns to see Oikawa. Oikawa in his gym, Oikawa wearing his practice clothes, Oikawa coming towards him.

Oh my god.

“Well maybe not with _everyone_ on the team,” Oikawa says as he winks at Ushijima.

Ushijima is dumbfounded, but no one seems to notice his inner turmoil. “Tell me what kind of girls you like Eita-chan and I’ll see what I can do.”

Ushijima is still reeling from this when the others start arriving. Tendou, Soekawa, Reon, Kawanishi and Goshiki all file past. In a daze Ushijima follows the others as the coach tells them to start stretching.

“Hey,” Oikawa says as he slides up next to Ushijima. “You feeling ok?”

Ushijima turns, sure that Oikawa has cottoned on but Oikawa is leering at him.

“Fine,” Ushijima says in confusion.

Oikawa starts stretching and Ushijima follows suit.

“Well I’m terribly sore.”

Ushijima can’t focus, because Oikawa is actually in his gym, and no one else seems to find this odd. But he tries to focus on what Oikawa is saying.

“Sore?”

Oikawa’s light twinkling laugh is music to his ears. “No need to be coy, it’s not like they don’t know.”

Ushijima feels like he’s missing something. He looks around and when he catches Tendou’s eye the other boy merely smirks at him.

They finish their stretches, Oikawa’s eyes darting around to all of the other players; Ushijima knows he’s watching them, calculating, learning. And that’s when Ushijima decides that this must just be some sort of weird dream. And if this is a dream, then he might as well enjoy it.

“I’m glad you are here,” he says.

Oikawa looks taken aback but then he smiles tightly. “Me too,” he says before averting his eyes.

They set up for practice, Oikawa setting on one side and Semi on the other.

“Where’s Shirabu?” he asks Kawanishi as they wait their turn.

“Who?” Kawanishi asks. Ushijima opens his mouth to respond, but Kawanishi is moving forward to take his spike.

He must’ve not heard him properly. By the end of practice Ushijima is starting to feel uneasy again. If this is a dream, then why does it feel so real? And why is he still dreaming?

He remembers in the back of his mind, his dream from the night before. Up until this moment he had completely forgotten about it: _You should have come to Shiratorizawa._ Ushijima stares at the net.

“Wakatoshi!” Ushijima startles, jumping and barely hitting the last spike that Oikawa set for him.

“Are you ok?” Oikawa says as he hurries over.

“Fine,” Ushijima says hollowly. Oikawa is watching him shrewdly, taking in every feature. He purses his lips.

“Come on,” he says and Ushijima follows him over to the coach.

“Nationals are approaching,” Washijou says.

Ushijima doesn’t understand why he’s bringing this up.

“I expect you two to keep the motivation up. Morale seems good, but as always the captain and vice captain set the tone for the team. Strength,” he says clapping each of them on the back, “is what we aim for.”

“Yes coach,” Oikawa says determinedly. Ushijima is just trying to process this captain vice-captain comment, but then Oikawa is calling for him to come to the locker rooms.

Ushijima has never seen Oikawa shirtless, and he can’t tear his eyes away. His shoulders seem braoder than Ushijima remembers them, and his back is smooth, muscles dancing in the light as he changes. Oikawa looks up as he pulls off his shorts. Panic wells up in Ushijima, but Oikawa just smirks and as he passes his nails run lightly down Ushijima’s stomach.

“Later,” Oikawa whispers.

Ushijima stands there dumbfounded until Tendou comes over.

“I know your boyfriend is gorgeous and all, but keep the drooling to a minimum.”

There are times during the day when he almost feels normal, during his English test, or when he’s in maths. But then he’ll pass Oikawa in the hallway and remember that things are not normal at all. He’s figured out a couple of things though: 1) Oikawa does in fact go to Shiratorizawa, 2) he and Oikawa are captain and vice captain, and 3) they’re going to nationals. He knows this last one from all of the congratulatory remarks he’s been receiving in the halls.

It had been close, but apparently they had beaten Karasuno at the end of it all. Ushijima feels a sense of pride, and also a strange feeling like he doesn’t deserve these compliments. His teammates describe points he and Oikawa made together in loving detail and Ushijima feels sick, because he doesn’t remember making them. Effectively he wasn’t the one who made them at all.

During morning practice he couldn’t actually enjoy playing with Oikawa because he was so confused. But now he decides to just go with it. Every spike is exhilarating, every time he hears Oikawa laugh he feels his chest soar, and the way Oikawa seems to gel with the other seniors makes Ushijima feel happier than he has all day. And, a small voice in his head adds, happier than he’s felt all year.

After his shower in the locker room he realizes that he and Oikawa are the last ones there.

“Ready to lock up?” Oikawa says swinging the key.

Ushijima eyes it and wonders why Oikawa has the key. Unless…

“Oi-”

“Waka-”

Ushijima freezes and then gestures for Oikawa to continue. Oikawa chuckles. “Wakatoshi, if you want the keys why don’t you just come and get them.”

“No, it’s fine,” he says as he changes, back turned to Oikawa. But then Oikawa’s arms are sliding around his waist and he’s pressing his chest into Ushijima’s back.

“Go ahead,” Oikawa whispers, “try and take them.”

Ushijima can feel the keys running up his chest and he shivers. Oikawa has never been so close to him. But now Ushijima can feel everything, the way his arms flex around him, how his breath ghosts over his neck, and the warmth of his skin.

“There he is,” Oikawa says as Ushijima shudders. Ushijima remembers Tendou calling Oikawa his boyfriend and Ushijima quickly turns around, grabs Oikawa and pushes him against the locker. He does it all slightly harder than he means to, but Oikawa gasps and his eyelids flutter.

“Wakatoshi,” Oikawa says breathlessly. Ushijima closes his eyes to steady himself. He’s about to ask, but then Oikawa is kissing him and Ushijima doesn’t remember what he was going to say at all.

His lips are soft, and so very smooth. Ushijima opens his mouth to take a breath, needing to regain a sense of control, but then Oikawa’s flicking his tongue in and Ushijima can’t breathe. His hands run down Oikawa’s arms and Oikawa pulls him in by the top of his pants, fingers idly tracing the skin there. Ushijima presses closer, crowding in and Oikawa chuckles.

“Wakatoshi.”

The name causes Ushijima to pull back a little, remembering that this isn’t exactly normal.

“Wait,” Ushijima says, but Oikawa ignores him lips pressing on Ushijima’s neck. The wet heat is doing things to Ushijima and he grunts at the sensation of teeth running along his throat. But he needs to know.

“What are we?” Ushijima finally gasps, hands holding Oikawa’s waist firmly so that he can’t move.

Oikawa tries valiantly, but upon realizing defeat he stills and glares at Ushijima. “Get off,” he says pushing at Ushijima’s chest. Ushijima backs up immediately.

“What’s wrong?” Ushijima says, startled by Oikawa’s change in attitude. Oikawa laughs, but it sounds wrong. There’s no humor to it, just scoffing and annoyance.

“Oh nothing Ushiwaka-chan,” Oikawa says. Ushijima is used to that name, but it sounds so much meaner now.

“If I’ve done something wrong-” Ushijima starts, but he’s cutoff by another bout of cruel laughter.

“You know what you did.”

Ushijima really really doesn’t. He’s afraid to reach out to Oikawa, but he doesn’t understand what’s going on. Why did Oikawa kiss him like that? And why is he so angry now?

“I don't understand,” Ushijima says quietly. Oikawa rolls his eyes. He’s slung his bag over his shoulder and his arms are crossed, foot tapping impatiently.

“You always say that. And I always tell you the same thing.”

Ushijima imagines him telling Oikawa to come to Shiratorizawa, but no that can’t be what he means. Ushijima is about to ask ‘what’ he always says when Oikawa throws his arms up again.

“Just stop asking what we are ok?” Oikawa asks. And it’s so quiet that Ushijima actually feels badly for a minute. “Let’s just lock up.”

They finish in silence and when they part ways Oikawa just waves.

In his room that night he goes to his closet, unsure if he wants to know, but he has to check. Shaking, he pulls out his jersey and stares at the number there. He feels his knees hit the floor as his hand runs over the 1 and he finds himself shaking as he sees the underline. He’s still captain.

His alarm goes off and he gets ready. Disoriented he walks into the gym. He doesn’t know what he expects: Oikawa or no Oikawa. But there he is. Setting things up, looking like he belongs, and Ushijima can’t help the warmth that’s flooding his chest. It’s what he’s always wanted, he doesn’t know how it happened or why, but he’ll take it.

Practice goes much better, he’s expecting the tosses to come as they do, expecting the laughter from Oikawa, and even the suggestive winks that make his heart beat madly. He feels like he’s on fire as he spikes, like he’s never felt before.

“You’re really into it today,” Oikawa says bumping their shoulders on the way to the locker room. Ushijima shrugs, he can’t help being happy. “Sorry about yesterday,” Oikawa says so that only Ushijima can hear. Ushijima looks at him questioningly. “I shouldn’t have gotten so huffy.”

Ushijima shakes his head and leans into the hand that Oikawa brushes against his waist quickly. He watches as Oikawa sashays to his locker.

“Disgusting,” Tendou coos, smiling at Ushijima. Ushijima shakes his head.

On Friday they do a practice match, Ushijima is on the other side of the court from Oikawa for the first time since he came to Shiratorizawa and it makes Ushijima’s gut twist. Having a net between them is too close to how it was before for his comfort. But it doesn’t break his resolve. He’s been thinking about it all week, he’s definitely going to ask Oikawa.

“Oikawa,” he says as the rest of the team heads home for the weekend. “Would you like to spend some time together?” he’s not sure why he’s so nervous. He’s gotten to see Oikawa everyday, and Oikawa actually talks to him now, _and_ they did that in the locker room on Monday. Also a little bit on Wednesday. Also yesterday.

“Did you forget Wakatoshi?” Oikawa pouts.

Ushijima’s stomach sinks. “I….”

But Oikawa is smiling. “We’re going to re-watch the match together right?”

“Oh, yes. Of course.”

“Come on,” Oikawa says, “my parents are gone this weekend so we’ll have the place to ourselves.”

Ushijima tries not to breathe too heavily, but he can’t help watching Oikawa’s ass as he makes his way out of the locker room.

He’s never been to Oikawa’s house before. But now Oikawa’s letting him enter like it’s no big deal. Oikawa grabs snacks from the kitchen and two pocari sweats and then he’s opening the door to his bedroom. Nothing could possibly prepare Ushijima for this moment. It’s small and clear of clutter. He notes the bookshelf at the far end full of cds, the TV on the right side, and his bed with a series of alien posters above it. He goes over to the desk in the opposite corner of the door, there’s a photo of Shiratorizawa there. Carefully he picks it up to see them all standing together, Oikawa holding the trophy for the prefecture and him holding the placard. He can’t stop looking at the purple uniform on Oikawa. It’s beautiful, and then he notices the other photo on his desk. He sets the first down to examine the second: Kiatagawa Daiichi.

“Wakatoshi?”

Ushijima puts the photo down and looks around; he feels like he’s been caught doing something bad.

“Yes?”

Oikawa is staring at him, his brow furrowed. “It’s just….” Oikawa shakes his head. “Let’s get to it.”

Ushijima freezes and Oikawa cackles before pulling the dvd out. He feels himself sigh in relief. After putting the dvd in Oikawa sits on his bed and Ushijima hovers, uncomfortable and unsure where he’s supposed to go.

Oikawa pats the space next to him and Ushijima mutters an ‘excuse me’ as he gets on the bed. His worries and hopes that Oikawa is going to start doing something weird again are extinguished as the game starts. He’s not sure if he feels better or worse that Oikawa cares more about the screen than him. But he forgets about that as soon as he sees Oikawa setting for his team, for _him_. It’s mesmerizing, how Oikawa runs things, how the team flows. It is also very different from what he’s used to seeing. He can’t place what else is missing. With a plummeting sensation he realizes that he’s completely forgotten about Shirabu. Shirabu hasn’t come to practice all week, in fact Ushijima hasn't seen him at all. Not that he was looking, but normally they’d pass in the cafeteria or the hall or- he hears a sniffle and turns with a jolt. He’d barely noticed the dvd shut off.

“Are you crying?” Ushijima says, completely freezing as Oikawa wipes his eyes.

“We won,” Oikawa says as he looks between Ushijima’s eyes, something unreadable in his expression.

“Yes, we did,” he says carefully.

Oikawa wipes his eyes and then he quickly leaves the room. Ushijima sits there, waiting until Oikawa comes back in, no longer crying. He sits on the bed and leans his head onto Ushijima’s shoulder. Slow as can be, Ushijima brings his arm around Oikawa’s shoulders and Oikawa turns his face up towards him. His eyes are bright and Ushijima has no choice in the matter, not when Oikawa’s looking down at his lips like that, not when he’s so close and so warm and everything that Ushijima’s ever dreamed of having. Oikawa opens his mouth when Ushijima presses his lips against his. There’s a faint taste of salt and Ushijima is eager to lick it away. Oikawa sighs into his mouth before gracefully swinging his leg over so that he’s sitting in Ushijima’s lap. Ushijima’s hands immediately find his hips, holding him close as Oikawa’s fingers curl into his hair. It’s deep and slow and Ushijima grunts when Oikawa nips him lightly. He takes the opportunity to tilt his head down to the smooth expanse of Oikawa’s neck. He kisses him lightly, one hand coming up to stroke the other side of his neck and Oikawa makes a light breathy noise that Ushijima would like to hear on repeat. Oikawa’s hands find their way to the base of Ushijima’s shirt and then he’s pulling it up and over his head. Oikawa stares at his chest, his hands tracing down, scraping his nipples and smoothing down his abs. Something primal in Ushijima urges him to flip Oikawa down on the bed.

“Oh,” Oikawa says as his head hits the pillow, his legs opening as Ushijima lowers himself between them.

“Oikawa,” he rasps as he begins kissing him again. Oikawa’s lips are hot and the slowness that they’d met with previously is replaced with tongues and teeth and a heat that Ushijima has never felt before. His hand finds the bottom of Oikawa’s shirt and he’s inching it up until Oikawa makes a desperate noise and pushes Ushijima back so that he can pull it off and throw it on the floor. The feel of Oikawa’s chest beneath his burns and he presses down with his hips.

“Fuck,” Oikawa hisses. Something hard is poking into the bottom of his abs and he presses closer. Oikawa whines, his nails scraping up Ushijima’s back and then back down. Ushijima can’t stop kissing him, his mouth, his neck, and then down.

“Please,” Oikawa whines as Ushijima licks down his happy trail. He rips Oikawa’s pants and boxers off. He’s never actually done this, but he has a lifetime of fantasies telling him exactly what to do. He starts slow, but by the end of the night he’s inside Oikawa, feeling like he’s never felt before.

Oikawa tells him not to be delicate, and Ushijima complies; he tells him hurry, harder, more faster, and Ushijima drowns in it. He doesn’t know how many condoms they use, or how many times he buries himself into Oikawa’s warm heat. It’s early morning by the time he finally falls asleep, completely spent.

When Ushijima wakes up the bed is empty. He’s sore and sated and finds himself stretching as he reads the posters on the wall ‘ _anything is possible if you just believe_.” He smiles, how very true that was. That being the case he wanted to go find Oikawa. He slips on his clothes and goes out the door. Oikawa isn’t in the bathroom. He goes down the stairs, unsure why he’s being so quiet. It isn’t until he’s outside of the kitchen that he hears Oikawa talking.

“I don’t feel so good.” Ushijima pauses. Oikawa is sick? He can see Oikawa holding his phone with his shoulder. “No, really I do want to meet him, officially I mean, I just, I’m really sick Iwa-chan.”

Ushijima walks into the room, concerned. But when Oikawa turns he doesn’t look ill, he looks furious. Ushijima takes a step back as Oikawa’s expression turns to one of surprise. “I have to go.”

Ushijima can hear someone protesting through the phone, but Oikawa clicks it off.

“Iwaizumi?” Ushijima asks.

Oikawa turns around. “Yeah. What do you want for breakfast?”

“Whatever I usually have,” he says automatically. But then he shakes his head, trying to get rid of the remnants of sleep. “Why did you tell him that you are ill?”

Oikawa freezes. When he turns to Ushijima he has that same smile on his face that Ushijima saw that first day. “Oh it was nothing, he was just being persistent.”

Oikawa is lying. As far as Ushijima knows Oikawa has never lied to him. At least not in his universe. What was going on?

“Why did he call?” Ushijima presses. And now Oikawa just looks pissed.

“What does it matter to you? You’re being really nosy this morning.”

Ushijima isn’t sure why he’s so upset except that he doesn’t like seeing Oikawa lie to both him and someone who Ushijima has respect for and who is Oikawa’s friend. He isn’t sure what to say, but he can’t let it go.

“You lied to both me and Iwaizumi. I want to know why.”

Oikawa slams a bowl down on the table. “Iwa-chan wants me to meet his boyfriend, I told him I didn’t feel up to it, he won’t let it go, so I had to make up an excuse ok?”

Ushijima doesn’t know where to go so he goes with what he thinks is the question least likely to get him into any more trouble.

“Iwaizumi has a boyfriend?”

“Yes!” Oikawa cries, now grabbing milk and cereal ferociously. “That stupid fucking setter of his.”

“But.” Ushijima shuts his mouth, he was about to say aren’t you his setter? when he realized that of course Iwaizumi would have a different setter now. “Why don’t you want to meet him?”

Oikawa glares at him. “You’re kidding right? I know that this is all just a game to you, but I meant what I said last year ok?”

Ushijima doesn’t know what Oikawa said last year, or why he’s supposed to know why Oikawa doesn’t want to meet his best friend’s boyfriend.

Ushijima drops it and things go back to this new normal.

When he gets home after practice that day he’s exhausted. Far more exhausted than he has been since this all started. What he doesn’t quite understand is why Oikawa seems so incredibly angry at him all the time. It’s like he’ll say one simple thing and it’ll set Oikawa off. Was he always like this? Ushijima hears a voice in the back of his mind _this is what you wanted_. He shivers. That doesn’t sound like his voice, it’s almost like someone else is in there, haunting him. He crawls into bed. What he wanted was to play volleyball with Oikawa, and yes if he’s honest, he wanted to be with him. To date him. But somehow this feels all kinds of wrong.

It’s as he’s drifting off to sleep that he wonders whether he’s happy or not.


	2. A New World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Well guess what: you can’t just wish things away. This is how it is.”  
> Ushijima doesn’t follow when Oikawa walks away this time all he can think is: what have I done?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This might be longer than originally planned. I really don't know anymore. Gonna be honest not sure if it's going to get a lil dark or not. I think not. But you know mabes....

Shirabu does not in fact attend Shiratorizawa. He’s almost entirely certain of this after a month of not seeing him in the halls. He’s also surreptitiously asked a few people and no one knows him. His sense of dread is turning to full blown panic: has he somehow erased Shirabu by wishing for Oikawa to take his place at Shiratorizawa?

He turns the shower colder. When he gets out Oikawa is waiting for him. Oikawa smirks and he pulls Ushijima’s towel from his waist. Ushijima stares at him trying to figure out what he’s thinking. He doesn't even register what Oikawa is about to do until he’s on his knees. Ushijima pushes him back quickly.

Oikawa startles. “Wakatoshi?”

“Not today,” he says. He can’t shake how wrong this all feels. How can he be fucking Oikawa when Shirabu might be gone, because of him. Oikawa stands up and looks at Ushijima like he’s never seen him clearly before.

“You don’t want me to blow you?”

How can he say it so carelessly?

“No,” he says steadily even though his heart is beating erratically. Oikawa just watches him, and Ushijima changes, fully aware of the eyes on his back. They clean up in silence. And it isn’t until they’re parting ways that Oikawa speaks up.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?”

Ushijima can sense his hesitancy, no longer looking sure of himself.

“Of course.”

Oikawa smiles weakly at him and then he’s gone.

The next day Ushijima feels even worse. The desire to find Shirabu is blurring his thoughts. And he doesn't know how to face Oikawa anymore. It’s little things that have tipped him off. Sometimes Oikawa says things that he can tell are more biting than kind. And other times Oikawa will avoid Ushijima’s questions altogether by kissing him or blowing him or distracting him any way he can. Ushijima hasn’t asked since the first day, but they never talk about their relationship. And as far as Ushijima can tell, talking about their feelings is off the table too. And he’s also caught Oikawa lying more than once.

He finds himself wishing that this had never happened. That things would go back to how they were. That Shirabu were there again and that Oikawa didn’t look so angry all the time.

“Hey,” Oikawa says, when he sees Ushijima. Ushijima can tell that they’re both remembering the day before when Ushijima refused his advances.

“Oikawa,” he greets.

“I’m not sure why you were upset yesterday, but I’m sorry,” Oikawa says. He looks so small and Ushijima knows that things can’t go on like this. If Oikawa is at Shiratorizawa then things need to evolve.

“We should talk later,” Ushijima says. Oikawa looks up panicked.

“Why?”

Ushijima shakes his head. “After practice, it’s Friday after all.” They avoid each other for the rest of the day, or at least Ushijima avoids Oikawa. But he can feel him sending furtive glances his way. They walk to Oikawa’s in silence. His parents seem to always be gone, but Ushijima is thankful for it this time.

Oikawa sits on the floor this time, and Ushijima sits next to him. Ushijima wants to tell Oikawa that he’s not acting like himself, that he’s supposed to be happy. But he can’t, it wouldn’t help. So he says what he’s realized is the problem with their relationship – whatever relationship that may be.

“You don’t like me.”

“What?” Oikawa says. He’s been fidgeting and looking away, but now he’s staring right at Ushijima.

“You don’t like me at all. But you have sex with me. Why do you do that?”

Oikawa is staring and his face is completely void. Ushijima blinks and then Oikawa is crying. He’s crying harder than Ushijima has ever seen someone cry. And Ushijima finds himself going over and wrapping his arms around him.

“I don’t hate you,” Oikawa gets out between sobs. Ushijima holds on tighter. “God I- I hate _myself_.”

Ushijima pulls Oikawa to arms length, staring at him. “Why would you say that?” For all the faults he’s seen in the past month, none of those have been Oikawa’s fault. It’s not who Oikawa’s supposed to be, it’s just Oikawa at Shiratorizawa.

“I- I fucked up and now you’re going to leave me.”

Ushijima doesn't know what to say, he was planning on ending their sexual relationship; after all it only seemed to be hurting them both, although he’s not sure why.

“Maybe,” Ushijima says slowly, “you need to just talk about it.”

Oikawa hiccups and rubs his eyes, tears still falling.

“If you knew what I’ve done, you’d hate me too.”

Seeing Oikawa so sad makes him ache. Not in the way he used to, not for Oikawa to be his, but for Oikawa to be ok. “I can promise you that I will not hate you. And,” he knows it’s a risk saying it, “I think you’ve been lying for too long.”

“Ok,” Oikawa finally says.

After several more minutes of crying and a tissue box being dragged in, Oikawa seems to settle down a little. Ushijima doesn’t want to rush him, but Oikawa is just staring glassy-eyed at the floor.

“Oikawa?”

“I don’t know where to start,” he whispers.

“How about why you came to Shiratorizawa.”

Oikawa blinks at him but nods.

“In middle school… Iwa-chan and I were best friends- are still best friends.”

He’s quiet for a minute. “I thought it would be fun to play against each other, to show him how much better I was,” he chuckles wryly. “Well he wanted to go to the same school, but I’d made up my mind, and I came to Shiratorizawa. And well you know how it was…” he trails off.

“I’d like to hear your version of it,” Ushijima prompts.

“Everything?”

Ushijima nods.

“Well you told me you loved me.” Ushijima sucks in a breath, this he had not expected.

“And when I said that I wasn’t in love with you, but if you wanted to just hook up, you said that was fine. That you hoped that one day I’d change my mind and want more. But Wakatoshi, I- I’ve loved Iwa-chan from the start. I thought I could-” he swallows hard, no longer looking at Ushijima. “I wanted to make him jealous. I wanted to use you, but he didn’t- it was never- and he started acting different around me. I was so lonely. Even though I knew that my plan wasn’t working I just wanted to feel good. And- and then Iwaizumi got a boyfriend and I resented it and you kept trying to make me change my mind, but I-”

Oikawa was working himself up into hysteria again. Ushijima reached out and patted his shoulder. Oikawa’s head snapped up and he stared at Ushijima. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for hurting you.”

Ushijima shook his head. This was all his fault. _You should never have come to Shiratorizawa,_ he thinks, _you should’ve gone where you wanted and been happy._

“I do not wish to be insensitive, but I believe that I am to blame here too. I think perhaps, that I cared more about being with you than I did about you being happy.” He looks into Oikawa’s eyes, searching for confirmation.

“I think that’s true,” Oikawa says quietly. “But it doesn’t change what I did.”

Ushijima scoots a little closer so that their knees are brushing. They’re silent for awhile and at some point their hands slip into each others.

“I’m sorry about Iwaizumi,” Ushijima says quietly.

“Me too,” Oikawa says. “But he’d hate me if he knew that I used your feelings.”

Ushijima shakes his head. “That is not your fault. You never told me you wanted anything more than what you could give. I think that we should just actually try to be friends.”

Oikawa is looking at him like he’s insane.

“After everything?”

Ushijima nods. “We both made mistakes it seems, but we seem to be doing just fine right now.”

Oikawa seems to be considering it.

“And,” Ushijima says hesitantly. “I would like to help with Iwaizumi any way I can.”

“No, there’s no way. That would be even worse if I made you do that.”

“You aren’t making me do anything, I’m offering.”

“It would make you miserable. To like me and help me deal with another guy.”

This is a tricky situation. “In the interest of being candid… I don’t think I love you.” He hurries on, “not to say that you are any less attractive or amazing than I had thought before, it’s just that, I don’t think we could actually work.”

“But….”

“The truth is, being with you has made me realize how much I miss someone else as well.”

Oikawa’s eyes widen and then he’s laughing, relieved and happier than Ushijima’s ever seen him in this world.

“Ushiwaka-chan! You sly dog.”

Ushijima feels himself going pink but more than that he’s glad to hear the nickname once more.

“About Iwaizumi-”

“Ushiwaka-chan, I promise I’m not trying to avoid this topic, it’s just I’m exhausted right now.”

“Ah I see.”

“Could we maybe call it a night and talk tomorrow?”

“Of course, I shall leave now.”

“You don’t want to stay over?”

Ushijima shakes his head.

“I think it would be best if I went home. Let’s talk after practice tomorrow.”

Oikawa agrees and then Ushijima’s on his way out.

That night he gets a text message from Oikawa _thanx for being a great friend <3 <3 <3 xx_

There’s a slight sting, after all he did love Oikawa, but more than the pain he feels happy for the first time in a long time. He drifts off to sleep and thinks about Shirabu.

It’s strange being at practice and not having the tension there. But it’s so much easier than it has been, it’s as if the rest of the team can feel it too.

“You and your boyfriend finally make up?” Tendou says waggling his eyebrows.

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Ushijima says easily. Tendou’s jaw drops. “But yes things are better now.”

Tendou’s singing trails after him, “lull them in, they won’t see, till they cry they won’t be free.”

Ushijima has no idea how he comes up with these things.

“What was that about?” Oikawa asks as they pack up.

“Just Tendou checking on things. I told him everything is fine.”

They go to a café to talk things out, a change of scenery and lighter mood will help, Oikawa says happily. Ushijima isn’t so sure, but Oikawa seems excited about this so they find themselves at a family restaurant. They’re just about to sit down when Oikawa takes in a sharp breath. He’s staring at the back of a head of dark hair. Ushijima doesn’t understand until the boy turns around and then Iwaizumi’s surprise is turning to a scowl. He stomps right up to Oikawa and for a minute Oikawa cowers as if he’s about to be hit. Instead Iwaizumi just grabs him by the arm and pulls him over to the table. Iwaizumi shoves Oikawa into the booth that he just vacated and sits on the opposite side from where he was. Ushijima finds himself following along curiously and it isn’t until Iwaizumi gestures to the space next to Oikawa and Ushijima sits down opposite Iwaizumi that he notices the other person there.

His fingers are taped, strawberry blonde hair covering most of his forehead and a Seijoh jacket on. It’s Shirabu.

Ushijima stares. Shirabu is looking down at a cup of tea in front of him, his slender fingers caressing its sides. Ushijima wants to say something to Shirabu, to tell him how relieved he is, how _pleased_ he is to see him. But the words are stuck in his throat. Shirabu continues to look down and Ushijima realizes that what he really wants is for Shirabu to look at him.

“Right?”

Ushijima startles before turning to Oikawa.

“What did you say?”

Oikawa’s giving him a calculating look, his eyes sliding over to Shirabu and then flicking back to Ushijima. The last thing Ushijima needs is for Oikawa to understand what’s going on.

“I said it was nice to see Iwa-chan and Shirabu out and about,” Oikawa says sweetly. Ushijima is startled by the departure from his previous attitude.

“Ah, yes, Iwaizumi-san it is nice to see you again. Shirabu as well.”

At this Shirabu does finally look at Ushijima. It’s unsettling how vacant he looks. Ushijima can’t tell what’s going on in his mind. But the moment is over with the arrival of their waitress.

“What should I get Iwa-chan?”

Iwaizumi looks like a deer in headlights. “Uh… I don’t know.”

“You decide,” Oikawa says closing his menu. Iwaizumi is staring down at the menu, eyes skittering across it and Oikawa smirks. It’s at this point that Ushijima realizes that the smirk is for Shirabu, no one else and something hot and angry comes to the surface for Ushijima when all Shirabu does is look down. Ushijima expects him to say some snappy comment, or to smile back as if it means nothing. But he just curls in on himself.

“Curry,” Iwaizumi finally says.

“So sweet of you to know what I like,” Oikawa says after the waitress leaves. And Ushijima wonders if he’s put up with this before. In this world does Oikawa shamelessly flirt with his best friend in front of Ushijima? Did Ushijima even notice before? He’s been called dense, and it’s true. But he’s paying attention now.

“So, you’re dating now,” Oikawa says.

Ushijima doesn’t fully understand.

“Yes, we are,” Iwaizumi says looking to Shirabu quickly.

Ushijima can’t believe what he’s seeing. Iwaizumi and Shirabu? How can this be? How is this possible?

“Setters and aces,” Oikawa muses. Ushijima is just about to say ‘we are not together though,’ when Oikawa plows on. “Right Shirabu?”

Shirabu keeps his mouth closed.

“Nothing to say? My my,” Oikawa coos. “How sweet, just like a housewife.”

Ushijima has no idea what’s happening. This is freaky and he feels nauseous watching Shirabu just take this asinine behavior.

“Oikawa what are you even saying,” Iwaizumi says in annoyance. He’s rolling his eyes and crossing his arms.

“Well I’m just pointing out how rude it is that someone isn’t talking to his boyfriend’s _best friend._ ”

Iwaizumi looks furious when he opens his mouth.

“Enough,” Ushijima says firmly and everyone stops. “Iwaizumi, how have you been?”

“Good,” he says in surprise.

“Excellent. So how did it happen?”

Iwaizumi looks to Shirabu quickly. “Well it’s been kind of slow coming.” Oikawa coughs some garbled syllables and then takes a dainty sip of water when Iwaizumi glares at him. “You know how it is, late practices, spending a lot of time together, and well we just… get on well.”

This seemed unlikely. If Iwaizumi is so great then why does Shirabu seem so miserable.

“Why didn’t you come to Shiratorizawa?” Ushijima asks Shirabu abruptly. It’s a question that he didn’t mean to ask; didn’t even know he was thinking of.

“With Oikawa-san there, I wouldn’t have been able to be the setter that I wanted to be.”

Ushijima can barely focus on the meaning of his words because he’s so busy drinking in his voice.

“And at Aoba Johsai are you the setter you want to be?”

Shirabu looks to Iwaizumi quickly, the latter frowning at Ushijima.

“Of course I am.”

“So if Oikawa had gone to Aoba Johsai then you would’ve come to Shiratorizawa?”

Shirabu looks startled and indeed the whole table is looking at Ushijima like he’s lost his mind.

“No,” Shirabu says.

“This cannot be,” Ushijima says. “You wanted to go to Shiratorizawa.”

Shirabu shifts away slightly. “How do you know that?”

This brings Ushijima up short. Of course Shirabu and Ushijima had not had this conversation in their current situation.

“What?” says Iwaizumi.

“I, um perhaps heard from someone?” Ushijima says

Oikawa’s mouth is hanging open. Ushijima has never been able to lie, and Shirabu looks extremely uncomfortable.

“I did want to go to Shiratorizawa, but it wasn’t meant to be. What I imagined would never have worked out. Perhaps I was naïve.” He says the last part quietly and then looks to Iwaizumi. There’s something sad in Iwaizumi’s eyes and Ushijima realizes that their hands are under the table, possibly holding each other.

“You should’ve come to Shiratorizawa,” Ushijima says.

“What the fuck?” Iwaizumi says at the same time that Oikawa scoffs.

“I’m leaving,” Oikawa says. Ushijima is shocked to see how upset Oikawa looks. “Move Ushiwaka-chan, I’m getting out now.”

Ushijima slides out of the booth as Oikawa throws some bills on the table before stomping towards the exit.

“You better scram,” Iwaizumi says threateningly. Ushijima barely manages to pull out some cash and put it down, before he’s hurrying after Oikawa.

“What the hell was that!” Oikawa yells at Ushijima when they get around the corner.

“I….”

Oikawa is speeding towards the train station, and Ushijima quickly falls in step.

“Are you crazy? Have you ever even talked to Shirabu before?”

“Of cour-” Ushijima stops walking abruptly. Has he?

Oikawa’s ten paces ahead now before he comes wheeling back to scrutinize Ushijima. Ushijima pushes him back, worried at what he might discover if he gets too close.

Oikawa huffs and closes his eyes. Ushijima can see him moving his lips silently.

“Ok,” Oikawa says as he opens his eyes. “You’re going to explain.”

Silence.

“Why were you interrogating him?”

“I wanted to know why he didn’t choose Shiratorizawa.”

“And you care because?”

Ushijima can’t answer that.

“I have a theory,” Oikawa says stepping closer. Ushijima does not like where this is going. “You, being the simpleton that you are, think that if Shirabu and I switched places then all of your problems would be fixed.”

Ushijima swallows as Oikawa’s eyes lower to stare at his mouth. “You think, that I’d be out of your hair, and you could just date a different setter.”

Ushijima feels panicked.

When Oikawa backs away his smile is all wrong. It’s cruel and twisted. “You’re so naïve Ushiwaka-chan. You just want someone who will do whatever you say. So Shirabu huh? You saw how meek he was and thought you’d have a go? Well guess what: you can’t just wish things away. This is how it is.”

Ushijima doesn’t follow when Oikawa walks away this time all he can think is: what have I done?


	3. I Can't Dream like This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Shirabu?”  
> Shirabu looks up terrified.  
> “Ushijima-san… do you usually run this way?”  
> “No.” They watch each other for a terribly awkward minute. “Actually, I’ve been having dreams that I run this way,” he admits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the final chapter YASSSS. But there's going to be like a two page epilogue that I'll upload soon - cause there isn't nearly enough fluff in this shiz.  
> I hope you enjoy the ending :)

Oikawa and Ushijima don’t talk at practice. Seeing Oikawa crying on the floor and seeming like a real person feels like a distant memory. Ushijima wakes up with a sense of dread now. Wondering if there is no escape. If maybe he’ll never get out of this nightmare.

“I think we should change the formation to this,” Oikawa says to Washijou one day.

Ushijima has gotten used to Oikawa taking the reigns, but this is not Shiratorizawa’s style.

“That would weaken our attack power.”

“But it would make the play more cohesive.”

“That’s not how Shiratorizawa works.”

Oikawa puts his hands on his hips.

“Why not?”

“I’m the captain,” Ushijima says. And even to him it sounds despotic.

He’s uncomfortably aware of the other third years listening in.

“Yeah, you are,” Oikawa smirks before leaving. Ushijima hates him in that moment.

He walks past Tendou who’s singing under his breath. “Chaos, chaos that’s the one. Bring them down, one by one.”

Ushijima frowns at him, that kid gets weirder by the day.

It’s almost the end of the year. Ushijima’s lost count of how many days it’s been. He’s started having strange dreams. Dreams where he loses to Karasuno. Dreams where he’s in a room that belongs to Shirabu, purple jersey folded over his chair. Dreams where Oikawa and Iwaizumi are chugging beers in matching teal and making out at a party. A dream where he’s waking up next to Shirabu in a small one-room apartment with the sunlight leaking in through the sides of the curtains. Every time he has these dreams he wishes that he could just sleep forever. He doesn’t want to wake up any more. He doesn’t want to be here anymore.

It happens by chance, he’s out for a run when he sees a strip of white and teal, a bowed head, fingers shaking.

“Shirabu?”

Shirabu looks up terrified.

“Ushijima-san… do you usually run this way?”

“No.” They watch each other for a terribly awkward minute. “Actually, I’ve been having dreams that I run this way,” he admits. He doesn’t expect Shirabu to believe him. But Shirabu merely nods. “Where are you headed?”

“I’m on my way home from Hajime’s.”

“Hajime?”

Shirabu’s eyes get wider. “Iwaizumi’s.”

Ushijima’s chest clenches. “Of course, he is your boyfriend after all.”

Shirabu looks down again. “We are no longer together.”

He tells his heart to stop it as it soars. “Oh?”

“He’s a very strong ace,” Shirabu says and it’s the first time that he’s initiated conversation. “He should be with someone equally strong. I believe he is with someone more suited to him now.”

Ushijima reels from this. It’s as if… “but Shirabu you are strong.”

Shirabu’s eyes are impossibly wide as he chuckles. “No, I’m not. I’m sorry to hear about you and Oikawa-san.”

“Me and Oikawa?”

“That you’re no longer, you know.”

“Ah, it’s for the best.” It really really is he thinks wryly.

“Um, it was nice seeing you Ushijima-san. Goodbye.”

Ushijima feels a plummeting as Shirabu bows and hurries away.

He’s dreaming.

_“Iwa-chan.”_

_“Oikawa I love you, fuck I love you.”_

_Clothes are being stripped, sheets rustling in a room without clutter._

_‘Anything is possible if you just believe’ written on the wall._

_Outside the door there’s a boy with strawberry blonde hair, taped fingers and red-rimmed eyes._

He’s in a sweat when he wakes up. He grabs his shorts, running without destination, the dream playing over and over again in his head. It isn’t until he’s outside Shirabu’s house that he remembers something. Scattered clothes in the room, purple and teal. He freezes. No, no no wait a minute. He goes straight to the door finger about to press the doorbell when he realizes it’s the middle of the night. He knows that Shirabu’s room is on the second floor, because he’s been here _in his dreams_. He knows he shouldn’t, that this is insane, but nothing makes sense anymore. He climbs up the tree outside Shirabu’s window and carefully moves along the branch until he can crawl into open window and straddle the windowsill.

“Shirabu?” he says carefully.

The lights are off and he doesn’t hear anything at first. He lowers himself into the room as his eyes adjust to the dark. There’s a pale figure slumped over Shirabu’s desk, and for a minute Ushijima’s heart stops. He rushes over, and reaches out. Shirabu is freezing, still wearing his shorts and white T-shirt from earlier in the day.

Ushijima looks at him and then notices the paper on his desk.

_Dear Hajime,_

_I want you to know that I’m happy for you and Oikawa-san._

_It’s ok that you didn’t te-_

Shirabu’s arm blocks the rest. It’s in that second, hand still touching Shirabu’s pale skin that Ushijima realizes what’s happened.

“Shirabu!” he says loudly. Shirabu doesn't stir and Ushijima’s on his knees. “Shirabu,” he says again, face right next to Shirabu’s.

And then Shirabu’s eyelids flutter open. Ushijima slumps to the ground, shaking.

“I thought you were-”

“What?” Shirabu says, voice hoarse with sleep.

“I was worried, I came in through the window. I’m sorry about Oikawa and Iwaizumi. It’s my fault, it’s all my fault. Oikawa never liked me, he always loved him. My selfishness is what led to your unhappiness.”

“What are you saying?” Shirabu says blinking sleep out of his eyes. “Of course it’s not your fault.”

Ushijima shakes his head, how can he explain? He feels so guilty and he wants Shirabu to understand but all he can come up with is “Oikawa should have never come to Shiratorizawa. He’s why you didn’t come right? You would’ve come, and Oikawa would’ve been happy playing with Iwaizumi. And I- I would’ve been your ace.” Ushijima can feel the heat on his cheeks.

“You think that would’ve been better?” Shirabu says quietly.

Ushijima looks up and Shirabu looks almost hopeful.

“Yes,” Ushijima says, his voice raw. And he realizes that his vision is blurred.

“Ushijima-san?”

“Shirabu I- I think I-”

“ _Done._ ”

Ushijima feels his vision flip, the dark of Shirabu’s bedroom replaced with the light of the hall outside the gym.

“So you’re saying that I should have gone to Shiratorizawa, instead of Seijoh right?” Oikawa says. Ushijima is tingling, disbelief and hope and dread coursing through him in equal measures. Oikawa is staring at him, his gaze hardened, but he doesn’t look mean, just annoyed. And he’s wearing Seijoh colors and- oh my god. Ushijima takes a shuddering breath before answering.

“No,” Ushijima says mind reeling. “No you should definitely stay at Aoba Johsai.”

“What?”

“I mean you uh- made the right choice. Excuse me,” Ushijima wheels around eyes scanning and there, standing among a sea of tall players is the strawberry blonde hair, the calculating gaze, the number ten.

“Shira-”

Tendou grabs his arm and startled, Ushijima allows himself to be dragged away.

“So what did we learn?” Tendou says.

“Tendou?” Ushijima stares at him, confused. “But….”

“Be careful what you wish for, or it may come true, you’ll fail until you cry, but your dreams are reborn anew,” Tendou sings animatedly.

Ushijima stares. He blinks once, he blinks twice and then, “you… you did this?”

Tendou looks pleased. “I’ll say this, most people figure out pretty quickly what they did wrong. So Miracle Boy, what did you do wrong?”

Ushijima tries to think very hard.

Tendou sighs in exasperation. “Don’t tell people what to do with their lives Wakatoshi!”

“Oh.”

“‘Oh’ he says, you’re so lucky you’re my best friend. I should’ve let it drag on and on and on and on.”

Tendou walks away, his voice echoing behind him. Ushijima isn’t really sure what to think, but he knows this: he will never tell anyone what they should’ve done again.

“Ushijima-san?”

Ushijima turns quickly to find Shirabu looking after Tendou and frowning.

“Is everything ok with Tendou?”

Ushijima nods. “It’s ok. Everything’s ok now.”

Shirabu looks unsure, but then he smiles. “If you say so.”

That smile hasn’t made an appearance since before Oikawa went to Shiratorizawa and two strides later Ushijima is standing in front of Shirabu arms raised, ready to wrap him up when he freezes. Shirabu’s big eyes are looking at him in concern.

“Um, may I hug you?”

Shirabu lets out a startled laugh before nodding and then Ushijima’s arms fall around him. Shirabu even smells like strawberries Ushijima thinks. How had he never noticed? His chest constricts as Shirabu’s arms come around to his back, hands clutching the fabric slightly and his face resting on Ushijima.

At some point Ushijima remembers that they’re in public, and reluctantly he pulls back.

Shirabu is flushed, eyes slightly unfocused as he looks up at Ushijima. He opens his mouth, but apparently he can’t find the words and his eyes end up darting between Ushijima’s. “What was that for?” Shirabu finally asks.

“I just wanted to,” _wanted to hold you,_ he thinks.

“Oh.”

They stare at each other and the urge for Ushijima to tell Shirabu how much he missed him, overwhelms him.

“Hey coach says the bus is leaving,” Semi yells at them. They both turn to find him rolling his eyes at them before stalking off. Ushijima glances at Shirabu as they walk to the bus, and when Shirabu looks back he’s smiling slightly. This is everything as it was meant to be. He lets Shirabu go first as a ruffle of laughter carried on the wind makes him look back one last time before getting in himself. Oikawa has jumped onto Iwaizumi’s back the ever-present scowl on Iwaizumi’s face cracking as he grabs onto the long legs. Oikawa is as beautiful as ever, but perhaps he’s even more beautiful when he’s with Iwaizumi. Ushijima finds himself smiling as he takes his seat next to Tendou.

“Happy with what you have?”

Ushijima glances over to Shirabu.

“Yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realize that this is a pretty short story for the concept, but it was fun to write. Maybe one day I'll come back and expand and edit it ʕノ•ᴥ•ʔノ ︵ ┻━┻  
> Thank you all so much for reading :)


	4. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shirabu is pushing up on his tiptoes and that’s all the indication Ushijima needs to lean down and press a kiss to Shirabu’s lips. He’s always warm and so very beautiful. Ushijima has no idea how he didn’t see it before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluff. Bring on the fluff. Roll in it. Sleep on it.

Ushijima is finishing up his last exam. His first semester of college had gone well enough. True he missed Miyagi, but Tokyo was interesting in different ways. Checking his phone as he makes it into his apartment he finds a message from Shirabu. _Just got on the train. Good luck on your exam_ _(_ _´▽_ _` )_ _ﾉ_

_It went well._ Ushijima types back. He’ll need to shower and clean up before Shirabu arrives. After all he wants Shirabu to like Ushijima’s new home.

He’s just finishing cooking when the doorbell rings.

He buzzes Shirabu in and goes to the door, peering out as the elevator dings and Shirabu emerges.

“Hey,” Ushijima calls down the hall.

“Oh, hi.”

Ushijima holds the door open and Shirabu comes in muttering a quick excuse me.

“It smells amazing.”

“I hope you’re hungry.”

“Yeah, I am.”

Ushijima grabs Shirabu’s duffel with one hand while his other runs down Shirabu’s arm before a places a quick kiss on his lips. “I need to turn off the stove,” he says by way of explanation. Turned around Ushijima misses the small smile Shirabu sports before he shakes his head. That Ushijima: so practical.

Shirabu doesn’t need Ushijima to show him around, rather he explores the one room apartment himself, picking up photos, pulling books off shelves and generally taking charge like usual.

“You’re staring,” Shirabu says, back turned to Ushijima as he unzips his bag.

“Yeah,” Ushijima answers.

Shirabu turns to look at him, frowning slightly but Ushijima just shrugs. He walks over and pulls Shirabu to his feet noticing a small package in Shirabu’s hands.

“Is that for me?”

Shirabu nods and passes it over.

As Ushijima undoes the green and white wrapping, Shirabu is exceptionally quiet.

“A bear figurine?”

“I got it on Aoba-dori, remember that store we went to before you left?”

“Ah, and I said ‘why would anyone need so many bears in one place.’”

“Yeah, well I thought maybe just one, to remind you of home.”

It’s small and wooden, simple, but perfect. Shirabu coughs behind his hand slightly – Ushijima doesn’t realize that Shirabu thinks the bear looks exactly like Ushijima.

“Thank you,” he says quietly. When he looks up Shirabu seems hesitant, but Ushijima smiles, hand cupping his cheek. “It’s perfect.” Shirabu is pushing up on his tiptoes and that’s all the indication Ushijima needs to lean down and press a kiss to Shirabu’s lips. He’s always warm and so very beautiful. Ushijima has no idea how he didn’t see it before. But now he gets to message Shirabu every day. They’re not one of those couples that messages all day, sometimes they go a couple weeks without skyping. But they send each other photos and call when they can. Being with Shirabu like this is something that Ushijima hadn’t thought was possible, even after coming back from his uh… trip.

Shirabu’s hands have found their way to the hem of Ushijima’s shirt and he knows that the food is getting cold, but he couldn’t care less right now.

Snuggled together on the small couch, a variety show playing in the background, Ushijima is more than content.

“So I guess we’re not going to that party huh?” Shirabu says.

“Party?” had there been a party?

“The one with your team?”

Ushijima bolts up. He had completely forgotten. “I said I would go,” Ushijima says. This is terrible, he doesn’t want to go at all now. But Shirabu slinks up, a hand patting his arm.

“We don’t have to stay long.”

The team’s rented out a back room at some restaurant and things are already in full swing by the time they get there.

“Ushijima!” someone yells and he guides Shirabu over.

“Kuroo,” he eyes the drink in Kuroo’s hand.

“There’s a bar set up in the corner,” he motions.

“I see. Kuroo this is my kouhai from high school, Shirabu Kenjirou.”

“Oh?” Kuroo looks between the two of them. “ _The_ Shirabu Kenjirou.”

“What does that mean?” Ushijima asks.

Kuroo puts on a low and slightly monotone voice. “This is a photo from Shirabu, it is the best photo I have ever seen.”

Ushijima stares in horror as Kuroo continues, now posturing as he does so. “And this, this is Shirabu at the tournament, look how his sweat glistens, how I would love to-”

Ushijima slaps both his hands over Kuroo’s mouth in a very uncharacteristically childlike gesture.

“I never said that.”

Kuroo’s eyes twinkle as he sidesteps towards Shirabu and out of Ushijima’s reach.

“It was implied. Wasn’t it Shirabu-kun?”

Shirabu is beet red.

“In the interest of fairness,” Kuroo continues in his usual timber, “here is a picture of my lovely Kenma. His sweat _does_ glisten and I _would_ love to lick it off.”

Smirking all across his stupid face Kuroo salutes them and heads off towards a boy rapidly pressing buttons on his phone while leaning against the wall.

“That was Kuroo,” Ushijima says belatedly.

“Is he always like that?”

“Yes.”

It’s about an hour later when Oikawa and Iwaizumi arrive. Neither of them are on the team, but they seem to be friends with some of Ushijima’s teammates. It’s strangely nostalgic to see them wearing their old high school jackets, but it suits them.

“Ushiwaka-chan!”

“Oikawa, Iwaizumi, it’s good to see you.”

When Oikawa spots Shirabu his face lights up. Ushijima instinctively puts an arm around Shirabu, a memory of a cruel smile from a purple-clad Oikawa flitting across his mind.

But Oikawa just looks even more gleeful. “So that’s how it is! Look, Iwa-chan I told yo- Ow!”

Iwaizumi is looking disapproving and annoyed as he slaps Oikawa on the shoulder.

“Sorry Ushijima-san,” Iwaizumi mutters. “How’re you liking Tokyo?”

“It is different. How are you both enjoying it?”

“I love Tokyo!” Oikawa beams. “So many people, so many new places, and even though we go to different colleges Iwa-chan and I get to live together.”

Ushijima is surprised by how normal it feels as they all talk to each other. Shirabu and Iwaizumi end up discussing some rugby team that Ushijima has never heard of and for a minute he feels a slight pang of jealousy. But that’s just ridiculous. He can’t help smiling at the ease with which Shirabu navigates conversation with their former rivals.

“You really love him huh?” Oikawa says quietly. Ushijima hadn’t noticed him sneaking closer to whisper in his ear. What he said was true though Ushijima had never quite thought that word.

“I suppose I do.” In a strange desire for confirmation Ushijima asks, “and you and Iwaizumi?”

Oikawa beams. “We’re doing just fine.”

It’s sometime later, that Ushijima and Shirabu are looking to leave.

“We should say goodbye to Oikawa and Iwaizumi,” Ushijima says.

“I don’t think that’s possible,” Shirabu says pointing across the room.

Oikawa and Iwaizumi are chugging beers in matching teal and making out. The sense of deja vu is so startling that Ushijima grips Shirabu’s arm.

“Ushijima-san?”

He looks down at Shirabu, a flood of dream memories running through his mind and wondering if just maybe….

“Are you ok?” Shirabu says, eyes flitting over to Oikawa and Iwaizumi and looking perhaps a little crestfallen.

Ushijima grabs his hand and Shirabu’s sadness immediately turns to disbelief.

“Definitely ok,” Ushijima says as he intertwines their fingers. “Come on,” he lowers his voice, “there are things I still want to do tonight.”

Shirabu trips after him, not letting go until they get outside.

Ushijima wakes up to a lithe body wrapped in his. The sunlight is leaking through the sides of the curtains and Ushijima feels like this is better than any dream or possible alternate reality.

**Author's Note:**

> I would legit love to read other stories about either Ushijima being granted his wish or Oikawa having gone to Shiratorizawa from the get go. I know there are some super rad writers out there so you know prompt suggestion (((o(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)o)))  
> My version is pretty much just a free write with no plan of how it'll go. 
> 
> As always, comments, questions, concerns, edits, suggestions are welcome!  
> Thanks for reading (*•̀ᴗ•́*)و ̑̑


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